I stumbled on this article that discusses the sexless marriage and contrary to popular thinking….it is not always the women who isn’t in the mood. Half of the time it is the men. This seems to be a much more common situation than a lot of women and men realize and one that women rarely discuss because of the fear that they will be judged as inadequate. Two books have been written on this subject and USA Today did an interview with the authors of both books. I have posted the link to that interview here;
You, Me and a Porn Star Named Christie.
Apparently the most visited sites on the internet are porn sites. Consider this from Internet Filter Review;
Internet Pornography Statistics
Pornographic websites 4.2 million (12% of total websites)
Pornographic pages 420 million
Daily pornographic search engine requests 68 million (25% of total search engine requests)
Daily pornographic emails 2.5 billion (8% of total emails)
Internet users who view porn 42.7%
Men admitting to accessing pornography at work 20%
US adults who regularly visit
Internet pornography websites 40 million
Adults admitting to Internet sexual addiction 10%
Breakdown of male/female visitors
to pornography sites 72% male – 28% female
Adult Internet User Demographics –
The use of porn appears to be a large and growing industry with the proliferation and ease of access the web has provided. And many people are struggling with the use of porn by their partners, if they are even are aware of it. 41 percent of surveyed adults admitted they felt less attractive due to their partner’s pornography. How does all of this affect our relationships? Our desire for our partner? I for one would have a problem if I found out that my husband was spending a lot if time viewing porn. I guess even though I personally do not find porn the least bit interesting, the fact remains that many men and some women do. So how to you negotiate porn use within your relationship? Do you forbid your partner from viewing any porn or do set limits? And when does it become an addiction?
I would love to hear from other women on this subject.
The Kegel (named after Dr. Arnold Kegel) is the name for the exercise used to strengthen the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles that make up the pelvic floor. These muscles act like a hammock that supports pelvic organs: the bladder, urethra, uterus, and bowel.
Why should women do Kegel exercises?
Factors such as pregnancy, childbirth, pelvic surgery (such as a cesarean section), being overweight, and the normal effects of aging can result in weakening of the PC muscles. When these pelvic floor muscles weaken, the pelvic organs can descend and bulge into the vagina, a condition referred to as pelvic organ prolapse. This condition can be associated with significant pelvic pressure and discomfort, and can contribute to leakage of urine or feces. The PC muscles are like any other muscles in the body—If they do not get a regular “work out” they become weak and eventually atrophy. Vaginal atrophy is a common problem for menopausal women. So, this really is a “use it or lose it” phenomenon! Doing Kegel exercises regularly can help reduce the risk of urinary/bowel leakage and incontinence. Kegel exercises can also aid in the prevention and treatment of pelvic organ prolapse. These exercises are commonly recommended for pregnant women to strengthen the pelvic floor in preparation for the later stages of pregnancy and vaginal childbirth. Additionally, maintaining strong pelvic floor muscles through Kegel exercises can increase sexual satisfaction and orgasmic capacity.
How do I do Kegel exercises?
The first step is finding and isolating the PC muscles. One of the simplest ways to do this is to sit on the toilet and begin to urinate. Try to stop the flow of urine midstream. The muscles you contract in order to stop the flow of urine are the pelvic floor muscles. Repeat this action several times until you become familiar with the sensation of contracting and relaxing these PC muscles. Another technique is to insert a finger inside your vagina and try to squeeze the surrounding muscles. If you are doing this correctly, you will be able to feel your vagina tighten when you squeeze and release as you relax. Once you have identified the PC muscles, you are ready to start your Kegel workout:
· Empty your bladder and get into a comfortable position (sitting or lying down)
· Contract your pelvic floor muscles
· Hold the contraction for four seconds and then relax for four seconds
· Repeat 10 times, three times per day
· Work up to contracting and relaxing for 10 seconds at a time, three times per day
No special “attire” required
The beauty of Kegel exercises is that they can be done anywhere at any time. You don’t need to belong to a gym or own any fancy outfits in order to do them, and you won’t even break a sweat! Only you and your vagina will know you’re exercising!
I’ll bet the researchers who discovered the wonder drugs for our guys were men. Did they forget it takes two to tango? Personally, I am against taking drugs when there is an alternative, or unless they are absolutely necessary to control protracted pain, or sustain life. So I am not advocating a “little blue pill” for us gals. My beef is that women in general, do not get the attention they need. There is very little public awareness about “female” problems, before, during or after Menopause. So lets go back to my first paragraph and the idyllic scene of the happy couple in the matching bathtubs. I would like to know that women my age get equal time and attention; that our needs are recognized, and TALKED ABOUT. What good is an old guy with a THREE HOUR erection, if his better half, sitting in the bathtub beside him is happy just to enjoy the sunset, read a good book, and go to sleep?
Hello and welcome to this new and exciting FemMed blog on Libido and Sexual Health. In the upcoming months we will explore many many topics related to sex and sexuality, including sex drive, sexual arousal, stimulation, orgasm, sexual “hang ups” and concerns, sexual dysfunction, sexual communication….basically, everything you ever wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask!!! However, it is my hope that you won’t be afraid to ask questions in this blog. For far too long women’s sexuality has been a “taboo” subject. Many women have been afraid to speak out to their partners, friends and family, and maybe even their health care professionals about their sexual concerns– They wonder silently to themselves “am I normal…Is it just me…Do other women feel the same way as I do?” Let’s break this silence. My experience in working with clients has taught me that no matter what kind of sexual concern or question you have, you are definitely NOT alone. In this blog, I invite you to ask questions (no matter how wacky or off-the-wall they may seem to you) and share your experiences. Inquiring female minds want to know! Now let’s get started: Ladies, start your engines!!!